The Life and Times of Bill and Fred: Volume 2
by Mister Frodo
Summary: The duo is back in this all new adventure, featuring more action, humor, and...um...action! Finished.
1. Enter the Duo

_Greetings, reader. I have decided to make a sequel to my Star Wars Battlefront II story,_ The Life and Times of Bill and Fred_. I'm hoping to make this story have three chapters. Will I finish it? Or will it go down the same path of all my other unfinished projects? And why am I asking you all these questions, anyway?_

(Author's note: If you are not familiar with these names, I suggest going back and reading the original story. Or you can just ignore me and read this one, if you want to.)

"This stinks."

"Oddly enough, I have to agree with you."

Bill surveyed the massive landscape. A layer of snow covered _everything_, from the ground to the mountains. He sighed and looked at Fred. "Do you think we should go this way?"

"Well, considering that when we went every other way that guy ordered us to get back to the battlefield and those flashing words popped up that told us we were leaving the battlefield, I'd say yes."

"Okay."

They hurried through the snow. Bill shook his head. "Man, this is horrible. It's freezing, and we're stuck in the middle of nowhere. How did we get here anyway? We were falling off the Jedi Temple, plunging to our subsequent doom, and suddenly, we're here."

"And we don't even know where 'here' is."

"Exactly." He stared at the fellow stormtrooper. "Hey, what do you think the chances are that the Empire is on this planet?"  
"I'd say about fifty to one."

"That big?"

"Yeah." They continued their trek across the long, harsh, blizzard-plenty land. "But if there are Rebels, the chances might be smaller or bigger."

"Why?"

"Because I don't know. I'm making this up as I go along." They stopped. "Okay, this is taking forever."

"Tell me about—"

Out of the blue an AT-AT popped up in front of them, followed by several Imperial soldiers. Bill stared at the machine. "Where did that come from?"

"Hey, you two!" A pilot ran over. "You're supposed to be helping the battle?"

Bill furrowed his brow. "We are?"

"Yeah, we're fighting Rebels here." The pilot shook his head. "For Pete's sake, you guys almost act like you don't know what's going on."

"We don't, actually. Wait, is this Rhen Var?"

"No. That place stunk."

"Wait, you mean this is…" He gulped. His next words came in a frightened, whispered tone. "This is _Hoth_?"

"Uh, duh. That's the only snowy place we fight on now."

"But we can't win at Hoth! We lose on Hoth in the movie!"

"No, we smoke the Rebels. You must be thinking of Star Wars Battlefront I, when if you played as the Rebels it was almost impossible to use. Well, yeah, that's true, but now, we have _two_ bases instead of only one outpost."

Fred cocked his head to the side. "Why?"

"Because the designers obviously wanted to make this place less fun to put more emphasis on Episode III battles. Duh." The pilot turned back to the battle. "Okay, if you idiots are done with your pointless chatter, I'm going back to the battle. Oh, and another thing. Try not to get killed."

Bill watched as the pilot went away. "Wait, did he say 'designers'? Who are those? And what did he mean by the 'we only got one outpost in the first game' stuff?"

"And 'Episode III'? What's that?"

"Dude, are you kidding? Everybody loves that movie."

"Oh, right. _That_ Episode III." He shrugged. "It wasn't as good as Episode I. I mean, it barely even had Jar Jar in it."

"Dude, Jar Jar _stinks_."

"Just your opinion."

"Fine." He moved his gaze to the stormtroopers running over the hill in front of them. "So, should we join those guys?"

"Nah, let's defend the base."

"Okay."

He followed Fred to the command post. Turrets surrounded a blue beam of light. Bill rolled his eyes. "Great. _Another_ neutral base. How many of these are there?"

"Listen, dude, I really think you should rethink this whole color scheme?"

"Yeah, and you know more than me. As if." He crouched down by a turret. "Okay, I'm going to stay by this gun thing. You just go off somewhere else and fight guys."

"No way, man. I hate admitting this, but I'm a coward just like you." Fred knelt next to him. "I'd rather stay here."

Bill glared at him. "Do you mind?"

"What?"

"Personal space, dude. This isn't a date. We're not in San Francisco."

"Oh, that's just gross." He moved over to the light beam. "There. Happy now?"  
"Yes, very much so."

"Stormtroopers!"

They wheeled around. An Imperial soldier in weird armor and a dress came up to them. "Why are you not wearing your snow gear? Do you want to freeze out here?"

"You mean the dress?" Bill shook his head. "No thanks, I'd rather freeze to death chances in subzero temperatures than wear a skirt."

"You idiot, this helps us keep warm." He clenched his fist. "Rookies. Do you think this is fun and games?"

"Um…maybe?"

"Wrong. This is serious business. What are your identification numbers?"

Bill glanced down at the tag on his armor. "B-I-L-L."

Fred followed suit. "Mine's F-R-E-D."

"Wait, what? You're identification numbers are Bill and Fred?" The snowtrooper stared at them. "How can that be? My I.D.'s TK456."

"That's exactly what I thought when I got it." Bill shrugged. "Ah well. Does it matter?"

"I guess not." The soldier sighed. "I can't believe I got TK456 and you guys got regular names. Anyway…" He cleared his throat. "We're here to destroy the Rebels once and for all."

"Sadly, sir, I'm a coward. I don't think I'd be any good in a fight."

"Fools! Do you know what we do this for! We do this to keep the galaxy under the oppressive fist of the Empire, eliminating all freedom and letting the people live in squalor and depression! Oh, and for those cheese omelets." He rubbed his stomach. "Gotta love those cheese omelets."

"Okay, fine. What do you want us to do, sir?"

"Head with Attack Group Alpha and capture the Rebel's main outpost, Echo Base."

"'Attack Group Alpha'? What's that?"

He sighed. "Those guys standing over there."

They turned around to see several soldiers huddled on the hill. "Oh. _That_ Attack Group Alpha."

"Good luck, and may the Dark Side be with you. Mwah ha hah ha hah ha hah!"

Bill furrowed his brow. "Um, sir? Why are you laughing?"

"Sorry, I always do that when I mention the Dark Side." He let out a menacing chuckle. "See? Okay, I'm leaving. Try not to die _too_ quickly."

He left, running towards the AT-AT. Fred shook his head. "This is bombad, meesa thinks."

"If I hear one more Jar Jar impression from you, I swear I'll…" He made the kill gesture.

"Aw, come on! That was my first one!"

"For me, one is too many." He shuddered. "_Way _too many."

They hurried to Attack Group Alpha. An Imperial Officer was giving orders to the others. He glanced up as the two stormtroopers approached. "Well, well, well, what do you have here?"

"I'm Bill, sir, and this is Fred. We were assigned to you by one of the captains."

"Which one?"

"TK457."

Fred looked at him. "No, it was TK456."  
"TK458."

"You said TK457."

"I can change my mind."

"Gentlemen, please!" The officer stepped between them. "I don't care about your petty arguments. We need to capture the Rebel base, or otherwise SpamDot and his team will win the match!"

They both faced him. Bill cocked his head to the side. "Who the heck is 'SpamDot'? And what 'team'? Isn't there just the Rebels?"

The officer shook his head. "Great. We get two _bots_ to fight with us. Talk about lame."

Several grumbles came from the group.

"Yeah, why do we have to have two computer players with us?"

"We are so gonna get freakin' pwned."

"And I can't even pronounce pwned!"

"Shut up, you three!" The officer turned to Bill and Fred. "Okay, fine. You're coming with us. I'm Starflyer."

Bill furrowed his brow. "Why Starflyer, sir?"

"Because, in the first game I was typing in my name and Starfighter wouldn't fit. So I used Starflyer. And seeing as how I'm not like the author and I don't _change my name _when I got from Star Wars Battlefront I to Star Wars Battlefront II, I kept Starflyer."

"Wait. I don't understand." He looked above the head of the officer. The word STARFLYER was spelled out in blue letters. Bill noticed that all the soldiers around besides Fred and himself had words above their heads. "Oh, I get it. You guys are those 'special' soldiers. Yeah, we had one of those back on Coruscant. He told us to stay at this command post, but we went off and killed this guy who looked evil anyway."

Fred nodded. "Of course, that guy we killed turned out to be the Emperor."

"Wait just a minute…" Starflyer snapped his fingers. "I remember you guys! I told you to stay at that base! I wondered why it said the Emperor's death was a team kill…" He shrugged. "Ah well. Okay, you two bots come with me. Igloo, AngerStreak, and Dr. BOB, you can go take Echo Base."

Bill watched as the three other 'special' soldiers ran off. He moved his gaze to Starflyer. "Where do you want us, sir?"

"You'll be with me. We're going to take out their shield generator."

"Um, sir, just to tell you, me and Fred here, we aren't really super-gifted at this whole fighting thing. Especially Fred."

"Hey!"

Bill glanced at his stormtrooper buddy. "It's the truth. We're both cowards. Especially Fred."

"I swear, one more word and I'll kick you from here to Yavin 4!"

Starflyer shrugged. "It doesn't really matter. You guys are just gonna die anyway."

"You have a very special skill at encouraging, sir."

"Well, that's my job." He stared out at the massive conflict taking place below them. "We have to hurry before the Rebels take our bases and win in like two seconds. It stinks that they can do that now."

They jogged towards the battle. Bill turned to Starflyer as they hurried forward. "Sir, what was that whole thing about bots? Is that some discriminating thing against us?"

He sighed. "So you guys don't know the truth. I thought I told the guys to spread the words through the computer player ranks."

"What 'truth'? Is it something bad?"

"Not really. Listen, I'll tell you later." He whipped out his gun. "Right now we have a battle to fight."

_Will Bill and Fred learn this 'truth'? Can they complete their mission, or will the galaxy know freedom and peace from the Empire? And will anyone ever tell me how to pronounce 'pwned'? Anyway, tune in, or whatever they call it, to the next chapter _The Life and Times of Bill and Fred, Volume II

Bill ran onto the screen. "Hi, everybody. Before you leave to go do your various activities, I'd just like to pleasantly remind you to please review this chapter. Remember, all proceeds you deposit go to the Foundation to Make Republic Commando 2!"

"You idiot!" Fred raced up next to him. "The people don't deposit any proceeds when they review!"

"Shhhhh," Bill whispered. "They don't know that."

_So this is when I end the chapter, right? Okay. Um…Bye. See you guys later. I'll try to get the second chapter up as soon as possible. Really._

_Stop staring at me!_


	2. The Team Killer Strikes

"Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!"

"Take! Take! Take!"

"Back! Back! Back!"

"Enchilada! Enchilada! Enchilada!"

Bill turned to Fred. "Seriously, man. Just because everybody else is yelling doesn't mean you should too."

"I look at it this way. Either I yell 'enchilada!', or I do Jar Jar impressions."

"By all means, keep shouting."

"Thank you."

Starflyer fired at soldiers, destroying them with sonic blasts. Bill stared at the green waves emitting from the officer's gun. "Um, sir? Why does your gun shoot sonic blasts instead of blaster bolts?"

"That's a good question, soldier. You see, if it shot lasers, it just wouldn't be as cool. And now not everybody gets a pistol as their secondary weapon. Like pilots, for example."

As if right on cue, an Imperial pilot ran by, blasting away with his shotgun. His gun clicked as his ammo counter hit zero. The pilot switched to his other weapon, ready to destroy all enemies around him—

—and he whipped out a fusion cutter.

"What?" He groaned. "Curse you, Lucasarts!"

Then he blew up.

Bill stared at the dead pilot. "But why doesn't he have another weapon? Couldn't the fusion cutter be a secondary item or something like that?"

"Yeah, that's what I wondered." Starflyer shot a few more Rebels, covering the snow with bodies…that faded into nothingness.

"Um, sir?" Bill watched as more bodies disappeared. "Why are the bodies disappearing?"

"Well, soldier, it's because—"

"The Rapture!" Fred ran around in circles. "It's the Rapture! We're all going to die! No!"

Bill furrowed his brow. "Do you know what he's talking about?"  
"No, unlike in Left Behind, my church doesn't spend every Sunday explaining things about the Rapture." Starflyer drew his grenade launcher. "Hold on a sec."

Explosions filled the air. Rebel soldiers soared through the air as explosives landed in the middle of their thick army.

"Hey, Starflyer!" One of the "special" soldiers ran up. "Those were my kills!"

"Ah, quit whining. I can still own you in any game on the face of the Earth."

"Well, maybe if you stopped kill stealing, I'd win every once in a while."

"Oh, be quiet." Starflyer rolled his eyes. "You're just jealous, DarkSide2. And your name stinks."

"My name was DarkSide in the first one, so, since this is the second game, I changed it to DarkSide2. Doesn't that make sense?"

"Um…who cares?"

"You don't, apparently." DarkSide2 mowed down enemies with relative ease. "Man, this A.I. in this game stinks."

"But it is better than the first Battlefront."

"Dude, that's not really hard. And yet, people praised Star Wars Battlefront 1 even though the A.I. resembled something from the late '90s, but complained about Republic Commando just because the battle droids didn't hide behind stuff." He shook his head. "Just makes me sick."

Bill glanced around, ignoring the two "special" soldiers as they engaged in some pointless debate about something called Halo 3. "I wonder where Fred is…"

"DIE!"

A laser blast hit Bill. He stumbled, feeling his vision start to blur. His body lost feeling in it, and all faded to black…

"Dude, get up. You lost, like, barely any health."

Bill opened his eyes to see Starflyer standing over him. "How long was I out?"

"Two seconds."

"Oh. Right." He jumped to his feet. "But didn't I get hit in the chest with a laser blast? Shouldn't I be dead or at least in more pain than this?"

"Good question." Starflyer surveyed the battle. "Where's your buddy?"

"You mean Fred? I was looking for him when that guy shot me."

"Oh, no." Starflyer pointed at a hill a ways away. "Dr. BOB's taking him for the raid on Echo Base. Crud."

"Hey, Fred!" Bill waved his arms at the group of soldiers charging at Echo Base. Well, for some reason he couldn't wave his arms, so he just shot his blaster rifle into the air instead, trying to attract Fred's attention. "What are you doing up there!"  
Fred turned towards them. "I don't know! This sudden urge just came over me, as if someone used some follow command on me! Almost like I'm programmed that way or something!"

"Okay! Have a fun time!" Bill pumped his fist. "Yes. I am finally rid of that idiot."

"This isn't good." Starflyer shook his head. "This is not good."

"What's not good?"  
"I don't know. Something…something's up. I have a bad feeling about this."

"Okay, dude. If this relationship is going to work, you have to _not say that_."

"Fine." Starflyer shrugged. "I bet it's nothing. Come on, we'll go to take out the shield generator."

"Um, I can't."

"Why not?"

Bill dug his foot in the snow. "I don't have any ammo left. I used up my last shots to get Fred's attention."

"What? But you're a complete coward. You didn't even fire a shot in the last battle."

"Hey, man, there are more things to do with blaster rifles than just shoot people."

Starflyer cocked his head to the side. "There are?"  
An explosion rocked the battlefield. Starflyer looked around. "What the—"

A massive AT-AT passed in front of them. Bill stared at it. "Hey, what's that thing doing?"  
"I don't…No. There's no way."

"What?"

"It's aimed at Echo Base…and our guys are in there!" Starflyer ran towards the snow walker, with Bill hustling after him. Actually, Bill thought about hustling after him, but in the end decided to sit down (a.k.a. crouch) and enjoy a nice cup of tea…along with 800 teaspoons of sugar.

Starflyer reached the AT-AT. "Hey, you in there! What the heck are you doing!"

"Repaying the Empire in full."

The AT-AT blasted Echo Base, killing the dozen Imperial troops in there with everyone else. Bill watched in horror as his fellow soldiers burned and died. Then he scooped some more sugar onto his tea, singing: "A million spoonfuls of sugar helps my blood pressure to rise."

"No! Team killer! I can't believe you!" Starflyer disappeared next to the walker. Bill watched from his crouched position as an argument ensued between Starflyer and the AT-AT pilot. I would include what the two soldiers said to each other, but I also want to keep this story rated K+. Sorry.

Bill whistled. "Wow. I never knew that guy had such a large vocabulary."

Starflyer jumped out as the AT-AT exploded. Bill stared at the soldier. "Who was that, sir?"  
"Some guy like the author who gets bored when he knows his team is going to win and starts killing his own guys."

"Oh. Okay." He furrowed his brow. "But what does 'sunny britches' mean?"

"I'll tell you when you're older." Starflyer pointed at Echo Base. "Come on, we need to access the situation."

Bill hurried after him as they headed towards the base, passing horrific sights of dead soldiers and bloody snow. Bill froze. "Wait. There's no blood on the snow. There's no blood around, even with all the dead soldiers.

Starflyer nodded. "Yeah, for some reason the Battlefront 2 designers didn't want to follow in the footsteps of those guys who made KOTOR 2 and add completely pointless blood everywhere. Anyway, keep moving."

They reached Echo Base. Fire rose from the collapsed roof. Bill waded into the rubble, throwing things aside in a constant search for his friend. "Fred! Fred! You still owe me five bucks, man!"

"If he was in here, soldier, he's dead." Starflyer shook his head. "To think, so much damage with just one blast…That guy had great aim."

"WHO CARES ABOUT SOME TEAM KILLER! I WANT MY FIVE BUCKS!"

"Calm down, um, whatever-your-name-was. Listen, we'll find Fred. He's probably back at the outpost."

Bill stopped rummaging through the wreckage. "Wait. You mean someone rescued him and took him back to the outpost?"

"No. Dude, you really don't understand this whole thing, do you?"

"Well, I never was much good at Latin."

But just as Bill said that, a piercing pain struck his lower back. He collapsed, and then his vision faded to black.

_Oh no! What will happen to Bill? Where's Fred? And will the Rebels win the battle? Find out in next time, in the stunning conclusion to _The Life and Times of Bill and Fred: Volume 2


	3. The Saga is Complete?

_(Sorry if this chapter isn't as good as the story has been, I was trying to wrap it all up. Hopefully this will work for you before I finish my other stories, because you won't see a sequel for this one soon. So go on, read, and enjoy.)_

Bill opened his eyes. He found himself in a bland square room. His head pounded. He groaned. "Oh, my aching head…What happened?"

"That's a good question."

He looked around. Starflyer sat next to him, bound to the wall with chains. Bill furrowed his brow. "Hey, how come you're in chains and I'm not?"

"Because, what damage is one Stormtrooper going to do inside a Rebel stronghold?"

"Oh yeah. Never mind."

Starflyer rubbed his eyes. "Ah man…I remember you getting knocked out, and then something hit me in the head. I can't remember what exactly hit me, though."

"I can answer that question."

A door on the opposite side of the room opened, and in strolled Luke Skywalker. Bill gasped. "Hey, it's Luke Skywalker!"

"Duh. It just said that."  
"I have this odd knack for stating the obvious."

Luke cleared his throat. "Let's see…oh right. You guys were found in the Hoth battle and taken into captivity. You are now prisoners of the Rebel Alliance. Give us what we want and we'll let you go."

"Really?"

"Heck no. You guys are going to rot in this prison for the rest of your life, but if you tell us what we want to know, we'll give you a DVD player."

"Wow." Bill turned to Starflyer. "I say we take their offer, sir."

"Forget, Rebel scum!" Starflyer struggled in his chains. "As a proud member of Team Enchilada, I will always fight as an Imperial! I will never tell you what you want!"

They both stared at him. Bill cocked his head to the side. "'Team Enchilada?' Sir, what the heck are you talking about?"

"Oh, forget it." Starflyer sighed. "It's over. The Rebels have won."

Luke nodded. "That's right. But we need to know: Where is your outpost?"

"It's by where the walkers respawn, you idiots." Starflyer shook his head. "Seriously, you guys should be more observant."

"Right. Oh. Well, I guess we'll just let you rot then. Bye."  
Bill whipped out his blaster rifle. "Ha ha, you fool! You left me with my weapon!"

Luke shrugged. "Yeah, but that thing's out of ammo."

"Oh yeah. Never mind."

The Rebel hero left. Starflyer bowed his head. "Well, this is it. Our only hope's if Darth Vader comes and rescues us. Doubt that's gonna happen, though."

"Um, sir?" Bill sat (a.k.a. crouched) on the floor. "What is it you want to tell me, but keep getting interrupted in the middle of it?"

"Okay. Soldier, have you ever noticed the fact that you can't punch people or lie down, or even sit?"

"Yeah."

"Well, there's a reason for these limitations. You see, Bill, to tell you the truth: You're in a video game."

Bill shrugged. "Okay."

"What? Just okay? Why aren't you bursting into tears, or yelling something dramatic, or reacting at all? This is the big secret! You're part of a video game!"

"Actually, it makes perfect sense to me. All this unexplained stuff, like why I don't need to go to the bathroom or eat, or how I can never get a girlfriend to date me, it's all coming together. This is a video game!"

"Duh. I just said that."

"Yeah, well, I wanted to say it first."

"But I—oh, never mind. We're gonna die anyway."

"If only Fred were here, he'd think of some optimistic phrase or quote. That would cheer us up. Or make us kill him. Either one is fine with me."

At that moment, a giant explosion rocked the place. Bill stumbled around. "Whoa! That was close. Do you know where we are, by the way?"

"I think…Wow. We're where the old control room was."

"Old control room?"

"It used to be a command post in the first Battlefront game, but then they got rid of it because they wanted to make Hoth less fun."

Bill's mouth hung open. "You mean there are two Battlefront games? I'm in the sequel?"

"Yep, we're in the sequel right now, where they improved on all the bad parts of the first game but left out a lot of the fun things at the same time. You see, I'm a human player. I'm playing with my group, Team Enchilada. We're fighting SpamDot and his team. If we win, we go to Mustafar for the next round."

"Oh. So, what am I?"

"You're a CPU. The computer generates for these matches."

"Wow. That's weird."

"Trust me, that's just the start."

Another explosion shook the building. Bill fell into Starflyer's chains, breaking the human player free. Starflyer shrugged. "Wow. That sure was convenient. Come on, let's get out of here."

"But how are we going to get out?"

As if on cue, a pile of rubble collapsed, revealing an exit. Starflyer shrugged again. "Wow. Even more convenient. Okay, let's go."

They hurried out of the room. A long hall led farther away. Starflyer groaned. "Man, now I remember the one thing I hated about Hoth in the old game. These stupid really long hallways!"

"Can't we run?"

"Oh yeah! Lucasarts put the sprint button in. I completely forgot."

They hustled down a few more halls that seemed to go on forever until they could finally see sunlight. Starflyer stopped. "Wait a minute. We can see sunlight…I guess we came out near the one of the outdoor outposts. I thought we would wind up in Echo Base. Ah well, either way will do."

They found themselves inside a circular open building. A glowing beam of blue light greeted them. Bill shook his head. "Yet another neutral base. I'm starting to wonder if these are the only bases out here."

"Okay, dude, when this is over, we're going to have to have a serious talk on color schemes." Starflyer surveyed the snowy landscape. "Odd, I don't see any troops. Is the battle over? What's going on?"

"RETREAT!"  
They watched as Imperial soldiers fled from Echo Base. Rebels gunned down the retreating stormtroopers. Starflyer clenched his teeth. "Nobody kills my soldiers. Let's go."

"Um…How about you go, and I stay here?"

"That wasn't a suggestion, soldier. It was an order."

"Ah, blaster bolts."

They charged in the opposite direction of the Imperials. Starflyer opened up fire at the Rebels. Bill furrowed his brow. "Didn't you lose your weapon earlier?"

"I always carry a spare, soldier."

"Why didn't you use it when Luke came to talk to us?"

"Because I was kind of bound to the wall in chains."

"Oh, right."

Starflyer turned back to shooting the Rebels. "Idiot."

"Hey, I heard that!"

"Who cares?"

Bill started to feel tired. His breath came in ragged gasps. He slowed to a stop, panting. "Go on, Starflyer…I'll catch up later."

"Dude, we've been running for like a hundred feet."

"Well, Bill is one to get tired quickly. Aren't you, Bill?"

Bill wheeled around to see…Darth Vader! He gasped. "Darth Vader! Oh no! This is about how Fred killed the Emperor, isn't it! I didn't do anything, I swear!"

"Oh, stop blubbering, you idiot." Vader pointed at himself. "It's me, Fred."

"What? Fred? How are you Darth Vader?"

"Well, this weird thing popped up that asked me if I wanted to be Darth Vader. I thought it was some kind of poll or something, but when I pressed yes, I became…DARTH VADER!"

Bill nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense. Did you hear the big secret?"

"That we're in a video game? Yeah, I heard."

"Dang. I always wanted to see Darth Vader scream like a girl."

"I do not scream like a girl."

"Oh, I'm sorry. What I meant to say was, I've always wanted to see Darth Vader scream like a very, very high-pitched boy."  
"Well, that's a start. I guess."

Starflyer glanced back at them. "Hey, if you two aren't busy, I'd like some help with these Rebels."

"Okay." Fred lit his lightsaber. "Bill, watch this."

"Watch wha—"

Fred practically flew through the air towards the Rebels. Bill shook his head. "Wow. He's actually awesome now."  
Then Fred stopped and started walking at about two miles per hour. Bill sighed. "Once again, I'm proven wrong. He still stinks."

Bill jogged after his friend to Echo Base. Fred reached the Rebels first. His lightsaber mowed 'em down while Starflyer shot some with his sonic pistol. Bill drew his own blaster pistol and fired at the Rebels.

Finally all the Rebels lay dead. The three Imperials met up in front of Echo Base. Starflyer nodded at the Rebel corpses. "Nice work, Fred. I didn't know you were so handy with a lightsaber."

"Hey, neither did I, sir."

Bill frowned. "I helped too, you know."

"But you missed every shot."

"I fired a lot, though."

Fred sighed. "Fine, you get an A for Effort. But an F for Accuracy. Seriously dude, I thought you could shoot with that."

"I never use the blaster pistol! I mean, come on, who uses the blaster pistol!"

Fred shrugged. "I dunno."

"See? That's my point!"

Starflyer gestured towards Echo Base. "Come on. I just realized we've taken all the command posts. If we get Echo Base, we'll win the match."

The threesome entered the building. Bill looked around. "Doesn't look like anybody's home."

"Keep your guard up, soldiers." Starflyer came to a halt. "There. The command post."

They stared at the red beam of light. Bill yawned. "Wow. That was exciting."

"Stow the chatter, soldier."

"Ah, but I like cheese!"

Fred shook his head. "He said 'chatter,' not 'cheddar,' you idiot."

"Oh, right. I knew that."

"Yeah, I'm really sure."

Starflyer hurried up to the command post. "Come on, you two, the more people by the command post, the faster we can capture it."

"I guess that makes sense."

They joined Starflyer by the red light beam. The Imperial officer grinned. "Man, this thing is ours! The battle is—"

A lightsaber sliced through him and he fell to the ground. Fred and Bill looked up to see Luke Skywalker standing there, lightsaber ready. "You're going down, Imperials."

Fred activated his own Jedi weapon. "No, it's you who's going down, Rebel!"

Bill nodded. "Yeah, Fred will defeat you while I watch from the corner!"

He hurried over to said corner and crouched. Fred fended off Luke's blows. "Hey, Bill, there was something I've been wanting to tell you."

"Okay, you can tell me, it's not like you're in the middle of a lightsaber duel or anything."  
"Oh, this guy's cake. I could fight him with one hand. But, you see, there's this little lightsaber thing on my helmet's display that's slowly going down. I don't know what it is, but it's nearly reached the bottom."

"Don't worry, Fred, I'm sure it's nothing."

"Okay, if you say so. It's just that I—"

Suddenly Fred knelt on the ground. Bill stood. "What the heck? Fred, what are you doing?"

Text scrolled down his display. Bill read it. "'Darth Vader has left the battlefield'? No! No, he hasn't left! No, please, bring him back! NO!"

Luke stared at him and smiled as Fred faded away. "You're next, stormtrooper. And once you're destroyed, I'll kill all the other Imperials, securing peace and order for the galaxy!"

The Jedi Knight threw his lightsaber. Bill jumped over the weapon. "Fred! Help!"  
He heard a strange voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Alec Guinness. "Use the grenade, Bill."

"Wait. Alec Guinness? What are you doing talking to me? Aren't I the bad guy?"

"Well, this is what you get when you sign on to be a plot device, son."

"Oh. Okay." Bill launched a thermal detonator at Luke.

Luke watched as the explosive rolled to a stop at his feet. He sighed. "Oh, butterscotch."

Bill turned away as the grenade detonated. He looked back to see Luke lying dead on the ground. Bill pumped his fist. "Yes, I did it! I defeated Luke! I've won the match!"

The beam of light on the command post changed colors from red to blue. Bill shook his head. "Seriously, they should tone down on these neutral bases. Just how many do they have on this place?"

A victory timer appeared on the bottom of his helmet display, counting down from twenty seconds. He nodded. "Yeah, that's right. The battle's over, and do you know who won? The Imperials! Oh yeah!"

"Remember, Bill, the Force will be with you. Always."

"Get out of my head, Alec!"

He heard a voice weakly call to him. "Bill…Bill…"

He rushed over to Starflyer. The Imperial officer smiled. "Well, you did it, Bill. You won us the battle. I just want to say, Bill, about that last throw…"

"Yes, Starflyer?"

"It was really lucky. You actually stink. A monkey has more talent at fighting than you do. Just wanted you to know that, before the end…"

"Thanks, sir. You really know how to encourage people."

"That's my job, soldier. Now, I die. Oh, and Bill…train the boy…he is the Chosen One…"

"What the heck are you talking about?"

"I don't know. It sounded dramatic…Bye…"

"Bye to you too." Bill shrugged. "Ah well. This is it, I guess. Wait, Starflyer? What about Fred? What will happen to him? Starflyer?"

The Imperial officer vanished. Bill sighed. "Dang. Guess we'll just have to deal with that when we come to it. Now, where did I put that cheddar?"

_Well, that was fun. I thought this chapter was going to be really, really bad, and at first I was having trouble writing it, but I got in the groove and guess what? I finished the sequel! It does kind of have a cliffhanger ending, but I won't be working on the sequel for this one for a while. Sorry, but I really need to finish my other stories._

_I hope you enjoyed this story. So, for only the second time in a Mister Frodo story, here are the credits…_

**Written and directed by me**

**Based on characters created by George Lucas and me**

**Starring Bill as Bill**

**Fred as Fred**

**And all those other people as themselves**

**All proceeds go to the Foundation to Make Republic Commando 2**

**Special Thanks to**

**God (for making me)**

**My family (because they rock)**

**My sister (for reading this story and encouraging me)**

**My cousins (for playing with me)**

**Mrs. Ronie Kendig (for teaching me how to write)**

**George Lucas (for making Star Wars)**

**John Williams (for composing Star Wars music)**

**Lucasarts (for making some awesome games)**

**Bryan Singer (for making the first two X-Men movies and Superman Returns, which rocks)**

**And, of course, Bill and Fred (for actually agreeing to do the sequel)**

**I'd also like to thank my reviewers:**

**Ssorian: You rock...like...totally. Hopefully...you think this joke is funny.**

**Tealfrog26: Thanks for the joke about stormtrooper names, it rocked.**

**darthoccultus: Only person to review both stories. Yeah, it is only three chapters, but hey, I've gone the really long story route...Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.**

**Queenofinsanity: tyl (thank you lots)**

**And, of course, this story wouldn't have been possible without readers like you. So, pat yourself on the back. Or do a dance. Or something.**

**Hope to someday right another sequel, though, for the third time, it won't come soon. So, until next time, good night, and may the Force be with you. Or something like that.**


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